Poker In Purgatory
2007-02-07 11:12:36
By:
Gene Bromberg
One of the advantages of having a best friend who's a doctor is getting cheap, on-the-fly medical advice. For example, three years ago I was bitten by a brown recluse spider and my leg blew up like a beach ball. "Mark, whattya think?" I asked.
And he made a diagnosis on the spot. "Wow," he said. "Like, wow. You need to get to the ER right now."
Thanks to Mark's quick thinking I "only" had to spend four days in the hospital. Otherwise...well, better not think about it.
Another perq of befriending a doc is that they're always traveling to these medical conferences. You know, the top scientific minds in the country gathering to talk about the latest advances. In places like...Scottsdale. Napa Valley. Vegas. Places synonymous with ceaseless intellectual toil.
And that's how I come to find myself in Daytona Beach. Mark's attending a Sports Medicine conference (i.e. "How many fingers am I holding up? Six? OK, you have a concussion"). And since he didn't know any of the other conferees and would have lots of free time, why didn't I tag along? Hey, I'm not one to turn down a freeroll. Especially as it was fifteen-below when we left home. I'm no dummy.
And while Mark is learning new splinting techniques I figured I'd snoop around and see what the
poker scene is like down here. Now, in the back of my mind I knew I'd heard friends talking about playing
poker here, but it didn't quite stick. Well, after a wee bit of research I think I understand why.
Poker is legal in Florida...but apparently the maximum bet you can make is $2. This bears repeating--the MAX you can bet is TWO DOLLARS. Every cash game is $2 Limit. I'll be the first to admit that I don't roll high...but TWO DOLLARS? Jeepers AND creepers.
The dog track nearby that offers
poker also spreads a game called "Daytona" Hold-Em. OK, what's that? Well, instead of 2 players posting blinds, everyone posts a $2 ante. Uh...huh. So, if there are 10 players at the table, that's $20 in the pot before a card is dealt. And the maximum bet is $2. The phrase "pot odds" springs to mind, like a kangaroo on 'roids. Is there ANY hand in Hold-Em you can fold getting 10-1 on your money? Even if you're dealt the deuce of spades and a "Free Buffet" coupon you're probably right to toss in two chips. Fuhgetaboutit if you're on the button. You might as well tell the dealer to just pull in your bets while you place a bet on the puppies. I've heard about ABC poker before--this is DUH poker.
They also offer Sit-n-Go tournaments, one-table and multis. OK, that sounds promising. A few small problems. The one
poker tournament I looked at has a buy-in of $45. Of that, $32 goes to the prize pool...and THIRTEEN goes to the track. Every wonder how they make such good orange juice in Florida? Because they know how to SQUEEEZE out every last drop.
You start with $1,500 in chips. OK. The blinds start at...$100/$200. For those of you familiar with Dan Harrington's books and the concept known as "M", you start off with an M of 5. Already you're in push-and-pray mode. Thing is, during the first two levels the game is limit, not no-limit. Again, if you call a single bet you're a wee bit pot-stuck.
What's more, the blinds increase to $200/$400...after TEN HANDS! Ten hands later, the blinds increase to $400/$800 with a $200 ante...and the game switches to no-limit. With only $15,000 in chips on the table, even a heads-up battle is pretty much an automatic push-and-call.
Sigh. Like I said, this is what poker in Purgatory probably looks like (there's no poker in Hell, obviously). It looks like my
poker playing in Florida might be limited to the occasional online flutter. But I'll keep checking. And it isn't like Florida is lacking in other charms. It's 75 degrees outside. I'm writing this while sitting at the cabana bar at my hotel. The waves, they're crashing on the shore. And three pretty girls just walked by to see what I'm doing with this laptop at the bar.
"You aren't
working?" the girl in the pink tank-top asked.
I sighed. "Afraid so." My nose never leaves the grindstone. Think its time to do some tidal calculations down at the beach.
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